My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My vagina is very pro this idea
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
