I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
