i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
