How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Help. Why am I so naked?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
