Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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