Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
