You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
