If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
