Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
