At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
