I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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