How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It's official drugs can't kill me
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
