I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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