i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
