I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
