I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
sarcasm needs its own font
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
