And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
