I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize