dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
In other news, I just burned my penis
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
