ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Who did Billy Mays play for?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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