I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
