Rock
Scissors
Fuck
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
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You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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