my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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