I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
