She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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