"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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