I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
please don't ironically join a cult
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