apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
