totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
