Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
