I only kidnapped one of them. chill
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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