Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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