my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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