I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
