I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
how drunk are you?
Several
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
