I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Four minutes until I can fart!
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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