I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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