I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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