How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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