He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
