PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
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