I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I want her autograph on my taint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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