He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
the liver wants what the liver wants
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
