So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
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I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
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FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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