She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
