her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
