dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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