I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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