My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
