Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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