I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
