clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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