dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
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I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
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That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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