I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
