Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Houston, we have a blender
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
