Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
My pussy is not your playground.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
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