Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
