Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
