That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
