that's an acceptable place to lick
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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