I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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