it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
