Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
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