you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
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i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
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Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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