Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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