I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
