HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
