i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
