You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
