We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Randomize
