Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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