Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
