Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
