halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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