Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
