His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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