just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
