i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
